Medicated depression, day #94
Arrived late to the office, two colleagues present.
Got asked what is up? Responded with "So-so, tired". As I probably got less than 3 hours of sleep during the night.
Thoughts around narcolepsy, as I've been falling asleep randomly since getting on new dosage, sleeping worse at nights and falling asleep during days, while listening to sessions (conference last weekend) and while working when staring at code and attempting to interpret it .. not sure if it is "real" narcolepsy or if I'm just pooped enough to fall asleep whenever. Doctors have to make that call, since I'm not qualified in that field.
Today, I'm gonna continue on with yesterdays and last weeks task, get that fuckin' pipeline to run properly ..
I'm gonna need lots of coffee today .. just to keep going. That and loud music, high BPM music, [pause] .. trance, techno or 80's rock. Something loud.
Later: Now I was hit by a sudden urge to fall asleep, closed my eyes briefly and almost instantly started to almost snore .. while working.
Later: Got coffee into orbit, feels much better now.
Got some ideas about what is wrong about the pipeline script, trying them out now, it was ... correct. I'm a doof .. quickly adjust other scripts and it runs, runs better and faster.
Later: Had lunch with three colleagues, I fetched something keto-like from the store nearby, tricked stomach it had been fed.
Thought about what one of my colleagues told me during the travel Thursday evening, that he was overworked, with 3 assignments totaling 150% .. so from beginning of May he was going to ramp down back to a healthy 100% assignment rate, this was the same guy who sat for months unassigned at previous employer, he has stacks and piles of certificates on all sorts of cloud-things, bits and bobs. Work life balance.
During lunch we talked about home decoration and building stuff, a colleague had some flower box he would hang from a balcony railing .. and thought about how to secure that in a good way, before I could think I had said "French Cleats" .. which were discussed and came out on top of other solutions, colleague thanked me for this idea .. and I didn't even think about it myself, it just fell out.
Later: I just added RSS-feed link to the navigation bar, since I thought there might be some interest in subscribing to a blog feed.
I write this blog to dump out thoughts, not for anyone to actually read it, if anyone would find it interesting that is fine. I sometimes feel the urge to point friends at the blog but then it would no longer be anonymous, so I don't, this is my vent where I can express my innermost thoughts and feelings without it being connected to me as a person.
Later: I'm empty, thought process is free wheeling, idling and can't get anything to work, thoughts are slipping in and out, trying to focus with loud music in my ears .. hope it helps.
Later: Apparently there has been some stuff that has expired which is wrecking my deploys .. found weird log entries that pointed in that direction, how fun it is to find out from random log lines ..
Later: just ran out of inspiration and energy, I just wanna leave, go home and sleep.
Later: Talked to a colleague, said that I won't be in until lunch at earliest tomorrow as I'm on doctors appointments (yes, plural) before noon tomorrow. Apparently his daughters have ADHD and Autism, different spectrums, I didn't know .. but it's why he often works from home, as one of the daughters are not going to school as there is problems, so he needs to be home.
I thought I had a tough time, na-ah, there is worse, much worse. Talked about medications and the daughter with ADHD had just started on the same medication my son has, they are at different dosages though, very different. My son has described the effect of the medication taking effect as "the chaos just stops and it's possible to focus" .. whereas the colleagues daughter hadn't noticed anything, though only been on it for a few days.