Medicated depression, day #89
At the office, alone. Brought a cabin bag today, as I'm traveling to another city for conference with work this evening, that starts tomorrow Friday and ends on Saturday. Went through the packing process this morning, empty bag to packed bag in about 20 minutes, only thing I can come up with now that has been forgotten is toothpaste, but that is an easy fix.
Slept about 4 hours this night, tired as f. Yesterday I was down and out, migraine, managed to drop a message to PL and colleague that I was gonna stay at home as I felt sick.
This morning my manager emailed and asked how I feel, mentioned that I usually send email to tell when I'm absent, with yesterdays migraine, not possible as I was low-functioning and could barely type the message to teams channel.
I have some things to fix today, before leaving this afternoon, same quirky error is back, the same I've been fighting previously.
We're three guys going by train today, fourth guy dropped out for some reason, they re-arranged our seating as they change train car type after our bookings. Should be easy-peasy anyway.
Later: Just had a talk with my manager, he was a bit worried about me since I hadn't sent a mail about my absence yesterday, he called me on Teams, to check on me. He recommended me to apply for sick leave since he saw me not coping with on/off work and sick leaves not working that good, caring both as employer/manager and a friend. I'll talk to the health care system about partial sick leave, like a few hours a day, to rest properly and come back.
I'll contact them today anyway to refill a prescription as I'm running out of a certain type of medication next week.
Later: Just requested a prescription refill and took the time to request a talk or discussion with doctor about full or part time sick leave, so that has been started now. I really don't want to go on sick leave but several people around me says it is better, at least for a short while to be completely off work, to heal and recover .. than do as I have done up til now, working and going on short leaves or just report hours .. as it cost me more to do so economically.
On the other hand; Being off and working a few hours a week gives me a good chance of recovering properly and come back in full capacity later on.
Later: Talked to a colleague who had been at home since last week, sick, fever and feeling under the weather, he was checking whether I'd be in tomorrow or not .. but I'm away on conference, so we will see each other on Monday.
I need to go find something to eat.
Later: Manager just sent over a summary of our conversation and my managers manager has summarized my sick hours to 118h over 28 occurrences since January. That is 14.75 workdays over about three months .. a month is about 22 workdays. That also includes doctors appointments and therapist visits.
Later: Twiddled with the printer on this floor to get a paper copy of the train ticket, Wintendo is fucktarded piece of shit and WiFi connected printers add a whole other dimension of failures .. I ended up saving my ticket to OneDrive, sync'd it to my work phone so I can pull it up there. That should suffice. With emphasis on "should".
The space management lady swung by, as she checked on the lock and security guys who put in a new lock on our "server room" door, dropped the idea on her that one of the doors out towards the stair well should get locks as well, for security reasons, she liked the idea and would bring it up with the building manager next meeting, improvements and added security.
Later: WTF, I have been twiddling with the same piece of code for a few days now, I must be somewhat dumb or something, I haven't got it to work yet. I have only managed to get different error messages from time to time, just to see the same old error message come back after a while. My thinker is severely broken. I'm tired. Mentally exhausted, just from thinking today.
Later: I'm disappointed in my self, I used to be good at this, now I suck and can't make it run properly, I've lost touch and I can't form thoughts in my head or keep abstract thoughts.
I watched some clip about long-covid the other night, I checked all the boxes, next doctors appointment I'm gonna ask .. or request to be examined for long-covid, I dunno, I don't have any idea of how they determine this or diagnose this, but I feel I would like that thought to be considered at least. From my point of view, I think my symptoms fit the description, there is probably more details but the top 10 issues were a fit, there is probably medical considerations to be made also .. I let the doctors and the educated deduce.
I need to up and leave within the hour, to go to the train station, catch a train with my colleagues, go for almost 3 hours .. with 1 change of trains. Sleeping away from home two nights. I packed everything this morning and I think/hope I got my meds with me .. a few changes of clothes, but forgot tooth paste .. hotel is central so it would be easy to find something open.