Medicated depression, day #854
Saturday, I got to sleep in a little this morning, compensate for lost hours of sleep during the week.
For some reason I seem to need more than 8 hours of sleep, though my body rarely lets me sleep for 8 consecutive hours. So, always a bit tired and some days very tired, running on 3-4 hours of sleep.
I've had touches with bad thoughts again, wife told me I'm having nightmares again, I don't remember them but apparently I'm "hunted" or "running", with high/fast breath and pulse, sweating buckets. I need to talk to a doctor about this.
I'm planning on going on a bike ride tomorrow, after fixing a few things with the bike. Pump the tires, raise the saddle a bit and mount a ringer onto the handle bars, the first one, have more inbound as I found them funny and they were cheap. They were advertised as "very loud", yup, perfect as I usually have my headphones on when out and about.
At the office, our team has gotten this directive to cease all work on specific projects, as they are internal and apparently the budget has been broken .. I do not understand how, unless they actually budgeted a few heads working part time or something .. now we are like 8-ish strong team and take on just about everything internal and then some external customers .. well, we continue to serve our external customers while reporting hours on "unassigned" when we don't have anything to do -- we have been recommended to study, either for certifications or languages/systems or services that might surface later that would need skills.
At the same time, our company is doing very well, compared to our competitors that have to relinquish staff from duty .. while we are recruiting everyone that fits our requirements.
About old colleagues, another old colleague from a previous employer is starting in August, a bit of a grumpy guy but once you learn to know him he's solid, most of the guys at our office is from previous employer except for three guys out of 12 ..
How I feel mentally? Well, I wish I could say "good" but I have issues that have surfaced, stupid things I've done, falling asleep at the office and such .. I believe there is an HR-thing that could be .. less than good. I have one or two days out of every week where I've had mushy brain and didn't go to work, as I would not get anything done.
I've tried hard to show up every day, even with mushy brain, to make it known that I still have problems with this and fatigue, to the point where I'm almost narcoleptic and could fall asleep when not having enough stimuli.