Medicated depression, day #836
I got really upset at work today, as I discussed something that was within the scope of my ticket and task, to have my ideas and input be completely ignored.
I'll just do what is necessary to complete my work, nothing else.
I will not engage in discussions about how to improve or better something, nor how to fix anything.
I'll go "dead fish", follow the flow.
I don't know if I'm just having a bad day but I got really sad when they had to argue their point as the only viable solution, probably because it has already been presented as such, the only solution. I doubt they have thought about how they are going to run it, it won't be something you check once a month and hope it's running, it will be hands-on weekly or daily.
I've never seen such a solution be successfully deployed at any customer I have been at and I've been at plenty .. They think it will be easy, I won't tell them what they can expect in amount of hours each week.
If large companies with hordes of cheap off-shore staff can't run it efficiently and functionally, how are we supposed to pull it off, a team of 9 with 2 managers, that leaves 7 and out of 7 there is about 2.5 that knows the technology.
I'm disappointed and sad, bad mood. I put a seed with a colleague outside the team, who also happens to be a part owner of the company, told them what is going on and how the thinks are going around this particular topic, they said they were interested in how this came to be such a mess and who ordered it .. there is no order, just a query about "is this possible?" .. and the management jumped on it, to allocate billable hours.
At the moment I feel .. emptiness. I hoped it would be longer before reaching the point of feeling I have to leave. The company has been the best employer yet, all categories. This makes it hard to even touch the thought of leaving, but I'll stay for the moment .. observe.
I really don't wanna leave but if this is how it is going to be in the future, I need to leave.