Medicated depression, day #82
At the office, came in late, just a few minutes ago, tired as eff, even though I got some six hours of sleep. On pain killers since I have a bad feet day, bone-on-bone pain type of deal.
Feels like I should have stayed home today, but I choose not to, as I need to force myself to work, to have wins, to feel needed and to feel valued, this boosts my very low self esteem and I feel less of a fraud, Imposter Syndrome.
[napped for a few minutes here]
Got nibbles at LinkedIn, from companies in my particular specialization. No contact attempts yet.
Later: We're now four at the office.
Later: Sat with closed eyes, kind of fell asleep, was awoken by door as a colleague came back to our space from a meeting room out in the corridor, twitched as I was startled, nobody saw it.
Now blasting music at loud volume into my ears to hopefully kickstart the thinker .. moar coffee.
Later: Somewhat more awake now, I think the coffee has marinated the thinker enough now .. to be able to hold thoughts. Still very tired. The others are talking about lunch already, I have to go buy something .. something light and add some energy drink, redbull perhaps .. to keep the thinker running. I need to solve a few problems today, get thee applications deployed and tested. Move on to the next chunk of three and so on, have two chunks to go to complete the prioritized tickets.
Later: Had lunch, meat + veggies so kinda "keto" but yeah, it went down and we all wished to take a nap after lunch .. but the others were booked solid with meetings. I on the other hand have zero meetings, next is on Monday.
Got news about a family friend who passed away on the operation table as getting surgery, she was a fun lady that had survived skull/brain cancer 30 years ago. She will be remembered and missed.