Medicated depression, day #79
Arrived just before 09 to the office, alone in the office space.
There were kerfuffle with the time reporting system last week, I could not enter hours for the customer I've had worked on .. as the report row was only valid up to en of March.
Stuff like this, when functions or credentials stops working is what increases my stress levels significantly .. "oh, they fired me and forgot to tell me" .. sort of thoughts surface and are nagging my sub-conscious, "you're not good enough", "you're gonna be found out any day now, that you are a fraud".
The medication has just taken off the worst of this, there is still situations where these thoughts surface, with stress onset and my heart raising as I tense up.
Of course these are irrelevant and irregular thoughts and can be dismissed as such, but still, they grind pits in my mind, they leave marks.
Later: Have slept just below 5 hours, tired as F. Micro-napping as I 'm alone at the office, close my eyes and drift away. Coffee doesn't help much. I play loud 90's dance floor music, high-bpm .. untz-untz-untz. This keeps med awake.
Later: just had a meeting with PL, who was back from leave. Explained our blockers and commented on other stuff, he'd look into that, as some tasks are getting old waiting for infrastructure that have to fall into place. Was asked to refine and break up larger tasks into smaller so we could tick off most tasks and follow progress. Administrative wankery, yes, but it feels good to tick off tasks as "done".
I had to take my cup of coffee and walk out on the balcony at the office space for some air before the meeting, to wake up and draw in some oxygen as our office appears to lack circulation, the HVAC system has been wonky for months. Spent a few minutes breathing and enjoying the view before diving into the meeting. Colleague who works (worked up until end of March) on same customer never showed up in meeting.
Son is back in school after Easter leave, back to routines.
Later: Had lunch with colleague, talked about kids and tablets, how to act and deal with nagging about access and time .. mostly from my experience from son .. as to colleagues daughter, who hasn't been given any tablet, yet.
The other colleague that I work with on the customer assignment hasn't been online today, as he would be 100% on another customer .. on a customer provided laptop. I have some questions for him but can wait some.
Not as tired any longer, I need to prioritize sleep over stupid youtube clips.
Later: I got a headache now, probably from squinting as there is lots of sun light right now ...
Later: I managed to solve the problem I was stuck on, now I have three applications that needs regression testing, as they were SDK-upgraded.