Medicated depression, day #74
Arrived late to the office as I followed son to bus station for changing lanes, colleagues had already eaten their sandwiches .. had mine alone.
Talked a bit with a colleague who is on same medication as I and have been on sick leave for a few months last year due to burn out, "K", about dosage. K said he didn't know which dose he's on or what is normal, told him that we are on the low end of that scale, as I got indication that some are at 10x of what I take now and I doubled dose last week.
Slept exceptionally bad this night, just over 4 hours -- I need to get my sleep in order, to get my average up.
Later: getting stress onset from meeting, even before the meeting, as now alone on customer, which means that I would possibly inherit all open tasks.
Later: had meeting with colleague, without the PL as he's on leave, checked through the list of open tasks and did a quick inventory of status, nothing much has changed since we did that last time, just a few subtasks completed and a few new has been added as new things has surfaced.
Was asked by mgr to complete a survey for the checkup, as it is used for summary and other things, started to fill it out. Asked for a few minutes of voice call to ask about customer assignment, actually to ask for how they came to the conclusion to pull out the resource that has worked with the customer longest to put the resource 100% on another customer, just as the customer has started to actually move in the right direction, or move at all.
Not feeling so good today, really tired, itchy eyes.
Later: Went out to fetch some lunch, got pasta something that was quite good, also added salad greens, slight comatose after lunch. Thinker is b0rked, no abstract thoughts. Need more coffee.
Later: Blah, can't get anything useful done. I sit and stare at a piece of code, usually it talks to me, begs to be corrected and optimized .. now, it does nothing, I just see a bunch of characters arranged with indentation. Stuff makes no sense to me, where I know it should.
Also some onset of angst, regarding customer as PL is away, colleague is 100% on another customer, another colleague is rumored to be added to the customer team but also doing 50% on another customer but nothing confirmed as of yet, many moving parts and responsibility shifting to me as developer, not very good for my low self esteem and dark thoughts.
Feels like I'm just spending time, looking at code, zero thoughts. Does something else for a few minutes, goes back to looking at code .. nothing.
Later: I managed to ache out some code after all, optimized code base to compile a binary with a minimal footprint, as to be small and quick to deploy. I gots the think!
I wanna go home, sleep.
Later: Huh, I think I fell asleep .. for about 10 minutes. Was reading some code but couldn't finish .. never reached the end.