Medicated depression, day #61
Arrived late to the office, two colleagues present, both occupied in some meetings, just got a nod when I greeted them. My closest mgr and the CFO.
Slept bad this night, got just above 6 hours but it feels like I just closed my eyes for a bit .. really tired and mushy in the head.
Later: Got some shit done, headache is loud and my eyes itch. I want to go home but I need to get this done and deployed for testing so we can run regression tests, as there were major refactoring done and new untested code were spliced in into the code base along the way, new functionality and SDK upgrades where there were no straight upgrade paths, none in fact as it required large chunks to be rewritten from scratch as methodology had changed completely.
I'm gonna isolate myself in my headphones today, if I can endure the headache .. and to top it off, my feet hurts today as well.
Later: Lunch meeting about our internal CV system, "how to improve your CV", as to boost peoples CVs as these are used when staffing up teams and when responding to requests for assignments, we were promised company paid lunch but skipping that for now, gonna find something after the session, not hungry, just want the day to end.
Apparently we're supposed to keep our CV updated, short presentation including biography, picture and professional profile, customers, projects and assignments, competences, courses and certifications, previous employers, educations, languages, spare time activities and engagements.
I already have this in my private and personal CV but these are intended for internal use as to find, sort and sift staff to respond to inquiries.
Congratulated a childhood friend who has birthday today, thought about when we last hung out or talked, late 1990's or early 2000's. We grew apart and time passed, he moved into his parents house and got married, got three kids who all are teenagers now ..
Later: a manager just confessed that they translate chunks of our CVs by cut-n-paste through Google Translate .. that explains the really bad translations I found earlier, sometimes it's required to respond with CVs in native language and sometimes in English .. same information but in different shapes. Sucky.
Competence grading, our competences in various areas are to be graded in 5 different levels, which in my case is problematic .. as suffering from depression and "Imposter Syndrome", most of competence grades tends to be medium to low even though others would argue that I would have expert-level knowledge ..
They build custom CVs for each inquiry to meet customer demands, requirements and desires, re-shaping them to fit.
Feeling small and insignificant in all this, I have a large knowledge base and wide experience of different areas through long time in the business to stand on but it feels like the aim of all this fuzz about CVs is to get assignments, we're are expected to always want to climb some sort of career ladder .. where the ultimate top is to become a manager. I have zero desire to become a manager as I like to code, most managers are removed from the actual production and development and are often becoming Excel-people. Hard no on that.
Later: Talked to colleague and could hint them into a correct solution within a few minutes. A small self esteem boost. Got praise. Felt good.
Later: Now head splitting headache, really. Like flashes of light and pain, eyes itch and my feet hurts. Wanna go home.
Later: All (3) colleagues has left, I'm alone at the office. I have with some help added a lot of functionality to what I was working on, as I got stuck with a authentication model .. and switched to another one. Not quite there yet as my thinker isn't running smoothly due to headache .. but hopefully I can make it work tomorrow, apply same or similar to all the other projects which has been SDK-upgraded and uses similar properties and remote items.
Later: Getting shivers, freezing a bit. I'll stay for 30 minutes.