Medicated depression, day #60
Were at the therapist this morning, had a good session, talked about what was important and future plans and how to get there, I have a plan.
Got to a subject that was quite emotional and I got emotional and almost cried, we moved away from the subject and attacked it from another angle, therapist noticed that much of my problems were related to employment or work, as I brought up the recent changes and future changes are changing the dynamics of the customer assignment, where I'll be alone with PL for all I know at the moment, that I'm not all that happy and comfortable about it.
We talked about the dosage, that the MD and I were in agreement to try a higher dose as I still have these episodes with very dark thoughts washing over me from time to time .. where I feel deep despair and sometimes apathy, hopelessness and sadness, for no apparent reason. Mitigating these episode will most probably also improve my over all mood, sleep and some other things.
Therapist asked if I could bring it up with my closest manager and I said that I would, as I expected to see him today.
When arriving at the office there were a few colleagues present, less than a regular Wednesday, breakfast day.
Slept just over 4 hours this night, I already want to go home, tired, itchy eyes, some coffee in orbit but need more. Hopefully I can untangle the mess I've created with the script I've been working on, I have imagined to be a general template script, so as little as possible hard-coded values and letting the environment effect how and what parameter values are set.
I really need to nail this down today, as I have 3 similar issues with other open tickets I'm working on, by keeping it general or common, I hope to make the other clones of this first one, with minimal changes in between them.
Later: Got into dark thoughts after lunch, about future and assignment, haven't gotten any air-time on manager today and he's already gone for the day as he are about to arrange some get-together for a project team at some venue this afternoon .. I'll try to catch him tomorrow.
Saw that an acquaintance on LinkedIn has been without employment for a while as laid off, sent them a link to our career portal .. maybe they'll find something there.