Medicated depression, day #595
I feel like shit.
I made a boo-boo at the office, costing the company a few thousands, because of stupidity.
I isolated a network segment where the office alarm bits and bobs exist, immediately the DVR started to complain as it lost connectivity, restored the network segment to its previous state but the damn box continued to bitch about connectivity, it was power-cycled a few times but continued to scream .. A guy from the alarm company came out to check as it appeared the DVR was broken, but it only had an notification that needed to be cleared/acknowledged.
I felt so stupid. During the talk I had with my manager, I felt a wave of depression wash over me, like before, I got hot flashes and started sweating, peripheral vision narrowed, the swooshy noise in my ear was turned up to 11 .. and I felt sick.
Panic attack? I dunno, never had one to my knowledge. But I felt like crap and wanted nothing else than go home and sleep.
Gonna have another talk with my manager on Wednesday, got some low-key angst going on about that .. fuck, my stress-levels were low and flat, now they spike and I get confused a lot.
Went to the store today with wife, barely functional enough to pick out food for the coming week, as I agreed to try low-caloric diet .. entering my third week now, I feel messy in the head, not always there.
I don't know if I've lost any weight either - the scale doesn't have any fresh batteries and I don't care to replace them. I know something has happened, pants are a bit looser and my belly isn't as high as it was before, so some progress.
But I dream about drippy juicy burgers, with heaps of raw onion and bacon strips and melted cheese. I can't have any of that.