Medicated depression, day #54
At the office with two colleagues, expecting at least one more to turn up today. One of the colleagues has not been into the office for two weeks.
Tired, got 5.5 hours of sleep but it feels like I was just laying awake the whole night, not rested at all. Sticky goo in my eyes, also quite itchy.
Going to need silly amounts of coffee today, to keep going at all. If I'd close my eyes for a few minutes I would fall asleep.
Still, I dreamed stuff .. which is a sign of being rested, maybe due to the extra hours of sleep I got on Tuesday.
Sipping on my 3rd cup of coffee, parsing mail and company slack channels.
Later: checked the analytics and it seems like many who read the posts also check the About post, to find out who I am or just get some background, that is ok, I'd also be curious.
Later: Got a little sad after reading a story, a person was not appreciated for their knowledge or their work, got sued by a company who claimed intellectual property and rights to their work, which was their own interpretation of something, got depression and could not work any more and died young.
Later: Can't brain properly today, thoughts are chaotic. I need to get shit done and I can barely form thoughts, frustrating .. I get frustrated, irritated and annoyed with myself, disappointed .. and sad. I know I have the capacity, knowledge and ability to get this done .. but it's like I'm self-sabotaging myself, not letting my self function. I'm not going for perfection or anything, just get the stuff working so I can get it out the door, so I can tick off the task as completed, so I can move on to other stuff.
Later: (an update here got eaten by the blog system - had to login again once I pressed "publish")
Later: Lunch-coma, needs, coffee.
Later: Brain mushy. Having a hard time forming thoughts. Beginning headache.
Later: Headache worse, foggy head.
Later: Fog lifted somewhat, was asked to come up with a solution to a problem, took me about two minutes, discussed solution with colleague and was told to write it down as an outline for a solution to discuss with customer. Most probably they would want this as it would lift a burden from a person managing their system, would free up their time from manual labor.
I want to leave, didn't get much done after lunch but have documented some things as they needed to get documented, the stuff I should have worked on requires focus and fog-free head. I'll attempt at it tomorrow again.
Later: I'm blanking out completely .. looking at the code and it is just a jumble of characters. blah.