Medicated depression, day #487
Ordinary day, rainy and gloomy, even though I had about 7.5 hours of sleep I felt completely pooped. Colleagues at the office had after work activities, ordered pizza and had a few beers before going to the main event, a local flipper game arcade hall.
I would have followed them along if I were in the mood for that sort of thing, but I've been so tired lately, my thoughts are constantly running and there is a slight worry for my mom, she has descended in dementia in only a couple of weeks, dad arranged for her to have a sedative pump attached as she is agitated all the time and can't relax.
When talking to dad he sound really exhausted, from weeks and months of caring for mom, he ripped a muscle when lifting her, making his right arm unusable as the muscle now is a chunk just above the arm fold. Dad serves her sandwiches when she's in the mood for that, makes her plates with fish when she's in the mood for that .. and still she thinks she is a prisoner in her own home because dad isn't always following her orders and whims to the point, in her demented brain. She calls everyone she can think of, to tell them how bad dad is and how much she want's to "escape", "when she gets well again".
Mom has no grasp of what condition she is in, that the doctor has given her "a few weeks to maybe two months" to live, as she has lost mobility, her legs are practically paralyzed, since the day she fell, zero attempts to get out of her bed, zero attempts to walk, just a few steps here and there when they sit her up on the side of the bed to quickly slide over into her wheelchair.
Other things: I had a talk with my manager, I got a new one since I joined another team and chores, nowadays I do internal IT for the whole company. He was very encouraging about my plan to get more exercise and get in contact with nutritionist/dietetics to get food and energy-levels looked at. I let it slip that I also had been thinking about riding my bicycle to and from the new office when we move in July/August shift.
I've been falling asleep several times at the office while working with complicated things, mostly when thinking hard/focused about something, they haven't said anything and they know about my history, I hope I didn't snore .. usually it's short naps, like 2-5 minutes, sometimes longer like 10 minutes. I've been woken up by colleagues 4 times, this far.
Next week we're supposed to go to Spain, my closest 650+ colleagues for a 4 day conference .. and party with masquerade. I have a bad case of JOMO, Joy-of-Missing-Out .. I'm not into partying at all and I could care less for masquerade, I'll hang around long enough for the dinner and desert, then I'll leave and go to bed early. I have a colleague in the new team who has problems with large crowds, I've said I'll hang out with her if she needs support or company. A few colleagues have declined to go, too much work, prior plans and other reasons.
A funny thing happened the other day, a recruiter contacted me on LinkedIn, to offer me a position where I met all the requirements and they work in a really interesting field .. but it was from a sister company and the recruiter was not aware where I were employed, fun discussion followed as I made them aware of the fact and that it was still an interesting position she was offering ... we'll probably talk in Spain and laugh about it.