Medicated depression, day #48
At the office, arrived about 08:15, fetched coffee and refilled water bottle, sat down and parsed mail, closed my eyes and 20 minutes passed.
Slept bad as I fell asleep in front of the TV in the recliner, woke up when wife started blow drying her hair after shower .. had a quick shower, shaved my head and had breakfast with family. I got about 6 hours of sleep, but of low quality, really tired now.
My thoughts about yesterdays lunch meeting about salary model are not on the positive side, it has added stress and uncertainty about how to act and what is going to happen, I don't like it. But it is not going into effect until 2025, which gives me ample time to look for something else if it would turn out to be a shitty deal. I'm going to ask my mgr about the whole setup during salary sessions now before end of month. I don't like the mandatory parts of it, where I'd be expected to use spare time for work tasks, need to clarify this, if it would be like that it would be really bad.
Discussed the matter a bit with a friend yesterday, they thought it was a bit weird that this kind of scheme would be applied if the company is in good standing and are making money .. as there would not be any need for this kind of actions. No need to go into penny-pinching mode.
Later: Damn, the coffee only kicked in at the very end of the second cup, from sitting with closed eyes to fully awake and engaged in making a deploy run smoothly.
Later: Looked up a friend from my school years, found out she had died back in 2020, lost to cancer at age of 45. Fuck, I didn't even know until today. We weren't close or anything but she was one of the fun persons to be around when we studied together, weird hair and weird music taste. I just wondered where she ended up, now I know. She left a bit early.
Later: I don't know if I got affected by my friend's death, but I felt a bit sad. Remembered a discussion I had with my father, he's 88 yro and doesn't have many of his school friends around any longer, I think they are only two still alive from his class. He have been in touch with his school mates through the years, they were a group that used to meet up every 10 years or so, last meet up they were 4 or 5 ..
I have not been in touch with my school mates, I don't really know what happened to them after we split up after school, only a few that I kept in contact with, some of them are on book of faces but I don't go there very often .. I have also broken up with some friends, some that didn't respect friend boundaries.
Later: Competence day, or at least half-day, first session was ok, second was without teams-link .. I don't know how they plan this or how they think but there is people working from home or remote offices .. to be on-location requires two hours (one hour each way) of travel for my participation, not really worth it for 5 sessions each 15-20 minutes and 15-30 minutes gaps in between. Also, wtf .. only one session out of four has a teams-link.
Later: Joined a session on another office, algorithms and data structures with hands-on .. pretty hard stuff.
Later: Just listened in on the session, brain is mush but I could follow along the reasoning .. could not brain to write any code.
Later: Yup, the headache hit me full swing, squinting now as if feels like a burning axe is splitting my head. I focused on the programming problems in the session and there were interesting problems, apparently I got headache from it.
Later: found another session which I found really interesting, "Pecha Kucha", telling stories with pictures, where 20 pictures are shown for 20 seconds each for a total of 6 minutes and 40 seconds. Topics spanning Autism, Warhammer lore, Flow, Note-taking, Life as an immigrant, Viking reenactment .. I like it and it was a very personal ways of telling stories. Interesting discussions after each topic.