Medicated depression, day #47
At the office with a colleague, slow morning, a lights-out morning, meaning we haven't even bothered to turn on the lights as the sun lights up our offices.
The commotion from yesterday, the school-thing, was a 17 yro who did not attend that school, entered the premises with something that looked like a gun, was apprehended by the police, more details will surface later as they put the lid on while investigating.
I was working on a task yesterday and felt that I could not focus and felt it was "too complicated" as brain was mush, switched to another task and did some refactoring and churned out lots of good code though this is far more complicated than the first task, brain is complex and squishy.
Had some feverish hot flashes yesterday with low-key headache rumble in the back of my head, it never got anywhere. Today I took extra pain medication to mitigate that.
I overslept somewhat this morning, but got dressed and had coffee and went to the office in almost a single motion, muscle-memory .. zero thought, instinct. Still winter weather, can't wait for it to be spring.
Later: yawning my yaw off, so tired, I think I only got 4.5 hours of sleep. Got some coding done but I'm fighting the tiredness, need more coffee or maybe some food, not staying late today, want to go home and just sleep.
Later: Lunch-session about the new salary model, where a part of the model is based around contribution, where the contributions are supposed to happen aside from the contracted hours for customers, which basically means finding "gap time" or spare time. We're supposed to be interested in climbing some kind of "career ladder" .. I'm not, I'm quite content doing what I'm doing right now, write code, get shit done, I'm not interested in becoming a manager or similar as I'm not interested in the administrative tasks required nor any desire to have responsibilities to lead or direct people. I'm a bit torn, I do not want to participate in this .. but I have no choice as this model will be mandatory for 2025, I'll hang on to see how this develops. I have other options if I feel this is nothing for me.
Later: Discussions about time reported above 100% .. which would affect salary in a positive manner .. 120% monthly time reporting as example, "working overtime", feels like a no-go for me, I've been close to burnt out several times and my depression is sort of a touch on that.
Later: The time from now and until 2025 will be evaluation period but not taken into effect, for routine, conformity and adjustments. I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with this new model, but I'll hang on to see how it plays out. I have no desire to spend lots of spare time to produce educational material or sessions, talks unless it is something I can gain something from, now this had been turned around and are expected from me, which is not something I want.
Later: Still tired even after 6+ cups of coffee, just want to go home. Managed to complete the refactorization of another application, leaving just two warnings. Hopefully it will pass regression testing.
Since I skipped lunch I can leave a little earlier today, fall apart at home. Plans for the evening; eat, shower, sleep .. in roughly that order.