Medicated depression, day #459
My mom was taken to the hospital today, with an ambulance as she fainted in the hallway on her way to the loo, dad had a short conversation with her moments before she fell over, face first to the floor.
I learned about it around 10 o'clock as it happened around 09:15, dad put her in a more comfortable position and brought her a pillow and she stayed on the floor until the EMTs from the ambulance came and put her on the stretcher. They drove her to the palliative unit, dad made sure she had a bag with clothes, her phone and some medications.
I called dad around lunch time, to check if he had heard anything from mom or about her. Nothing and still nothing a few hours later.
I went home from work early, as I could not focus on work, I was messing about but could not get anything done properly. Told my manager and he totally understood, he told me to set out-of-office on my mail and phone and go home, reminded me "family first".
My thoughts has been rumbling around in my head, making is impossible to focus on anything, had to start over with lots of things only to find it impossible to do, or think about it.
I'm very much aware of her cancer, that she lives on "borrowed time" at the moment, she has 35 (or more) large metastasis around her body, they stopped counting at 35, there is plenty more. Her doctor in the new palliative home care team swapped out most of her medications and some problems disappeared, her mood went up and she could sleep at nights, this is how it has been for the last couple of months. She hasn't told me exactly with the doctors said, but she let me know that she had "only months to live". When my brother and his girlfriend dropped that they were pregnant and expecting birth in mid-July, mom burst into tears and said that she won't last that long and that she would never meet the newest family member .. I had a hard time holding back my tears.
Mom has been slowly accepting her terms, she knows shes nearing the end and shes sad about it but cannot do much about it.
Mom had some kind of burst of energy a few weeks back, when she trawled auction sites, buying all kinds of stuff, asking us kids what we needed or desired in terms of ceramics or plateware. Nothing, we have everything we need as we established our homes years ago, dad kindly asked us to not encourage her as he was the one who would need to haul all the packages. I told mom that I didn't need anything. I think she understood.
I love my mom. She gave me everything.