Medicated depression, day #450
Have had discussions with my closest manager about my mental state, he's been through the same mess I've been through, so I know he's honest and well meaning when he asks. It's been up and down, I've immersed myself in tasks, working a little on each, never completing any.
I need to step back for a bit and re-focus, prioritize and solve them one-by-one, to get wins and to get through the pile of tasks. Most are network-related and while we are several with enough knowledge, I've become the default-guy for network issues, kind of.
It's fun and interesting but I got stuck on issues where I know how to handle them but get trapped in a loop of self-doubt at times, needing a swift kick to the butt to snap out of it.
I wish I could get the tasks solved quickly, as there is more interesting tasks in our backlog, that requires automation and/or programming .. which I miss today. I code and script almost everything I do to make it repeatable as some things are repetitive .. and I check everything into our repo of nifty scripts, documented and all.
But over all, I feel better than in a long time, there is a few clouds on the horizon though, but I do not worry too much about them.
I get reminded about death from day to day, today was my friends birthday, he would have been 50 yro today, but only got to be 35, as he headbutted an RV while riding a motorcycle back in 2010.
Also, obituaries I've found lately, don't ask. Two exes moms had passed away, another guy I liked to hang out with had also passed, from old age, he was 80+ and had a pretty good life.