Medicated depression, day #44
Back at the office, I'm feeling mushy in the head, scrambled.
I slept away most of the weekend, so tired, I went up for bio-breaks and then back to bed again. Last night I couldn't sleep because of back pain, lower back pains, went up, peed and took some pain medications, went back to bed, fell asleep from exhaustion, woke up past 07 and had quick breakfast after loading pill box with medications.
At work our support mgr poked at me and told me I was now alone at second line for a specific customer, a customer I was "onboarded" with but never actually onboarded with, half-assed onboard procedure, have not worked more than 3-4 hours the last couple of months, at most. Told them I'll notify them if anything happens on that customer, because I won't be able to do anything.
Talked to a friend on Friday evening, about depression and how he had been crushed, ground up, spat out when he was working for the streaming company, that was when he decided he was done with the IT-industry .. our cases differ in many ways but there is also many parallels between them. I really looking forward to go meeting him soon, also to meet his other half, as he and fiance are set to get married this summer, I haven't even met her yet but I can tell they are good for each other already.
Later: Somehow I managed to finally get this huge project to build without errors after a lengthy refactoring, zero errors and just a minor few warnings that are ok, had a quick walk-through with colleague and they said it was looking good. My brain feels like I've already worked a full week after just a few hours Monday morning .. mush.
Anyhow, I'm supposed to set up CI/CD for this application, to build and deploy it to environment .. so it can be regression-tested as it is basically lots of new code in it due to refactoring everything API-wise.
Some worrying signals, the one colleague I'm working with on this customer, is signaling that they will be off-ramping and to go up full time on another customer which would leave me running this customer alone -- not comfortable with that setup, as I'm not feeling fully functional. It would be a full onset of stress if I'd be the sole developer and integrator on the customer as they have shit-loads of ongoing and planned migrations. I'll check on this and give my input on the matter.
Later: Mushy brain, trying hard to focus but not really succeeding all that well, attacking the non-ability to focus by doing several things at once, with some success as attention span is short(er) .. I need to at least get something working today to show minimal amount of progress.
Meetings booked in some minutes, about incidents, really don't have anything on my plate as I've been occupied with refactoring, others have minor stuff and some responses back from external vendors.
I really just wanna go home and sleep.
Later: I struggle to gather enough focus to get anything done, scrambled brain. Low-key rumble in back of head, beginning of headache.