Medicated depression, day #421
I struggling with tiredness still, I work full days since I was more or less forced to work 100% again, my closest manager is monitoring me closely since he has been in the same situation, checking with me often to assess my daily status and mood.
It's working ok, but at times I get very tired and promptly shut down, falling asleep at work, a 5 minute nap. I try to get a feeling for when they happen and leave my desk to go get some fresh air at the balcony, refill my coffee cup and such .. to just break off current task or train of thought. Usually I manage to do that .. but other times I actually just zone out without noticing and falling asleep.
It's like a weird form of narcolepsy. I haven't checked with my doctor what this is yet, since I have been hesitant to revisit them at the health center, they burned me pretty bad, by writing obscure and vague notes about my activities that led to confusion and me loosing my compensations when on sick leave .. I had to pay back everything for December 2024, some €600 .. since I left the country, EU/ESS and went to Asia .. and since I also didn't ask for permission .. and in combination being in Asia .. they thought my compensation was in error and they demanded it back, as if my ability and capacity to work would change dramatically depending on where I were geographically.
So, yeah .. I haven't been back there in a while, have a hard time trusting them after that snafu.
My sleep cycle is still somewhat fucked up, I try to get 8 hours or more but I have a hard time getting into bed in the evenings, like I find all sorts of distractions and end up going to be pretty late, last night I fell asleep on the recliner and woke up at 03-ish and went to bed, slept to 08-ish this morning.
I'm slowly getting better, pushing myself to engage in more activities, to be more active in all sorts of ways. I'm tired of being fat and depressed.