Medicated depression, day #393
Got mail on Friday, that they stand on the issue of denying me compensation and that they will charge me to pay back everything between October and December.
I have not had the time to fully think about this and process it, but I know that if I had been at my worst, at the bottom of the depression and they slapped me with something like this or similar .. I would have broken and possibly gone suicidal. They are there to help people in bad situations and just let people be sick while they compensate them as they cannot function normally or work. I know there is lots of fraudulent claims towards them and such .. but when they accused me of defrauding them as my doctors were vague on descriptions in my journal, it feels wrong. So, wrong and greedy. I understand that they must protect themselves and deny fraudulent claims .. from apparent fraudsters. But not regular people.
Like I would gain anything on living on compensation that is ONE THIRD of my regular salary, that does not seem like a win for me. Not in a long shot. It would cover some costs and expenses but it also pushed over some of the costs to my spouse, who would pay more out of pocket than letting it stay within her business. She has racked up some tax debt from this.
I have used this compensation once before, when I burnt out in 2011. That time I were on sick leave for four months, had regular sessions with both psychologist and physical therapist .. because I had issues that required both. This time I got only the psychologist and got 10 sessions, as she thought I seemed "ok" and could reason and keep discussions, she deemed me "normal".
What they forgot was that all these doctors appointments were held early mornings, where I had just slept and were rested, if I'd shown up after work, or left work just an hour in .. I would have been this mumbling wacky dude that could not form thoughts or think in abstract ways.
Because of brain-fog.
Now a days, I'm back at 100% at work, but I sometimes fall asleep. I did that on Friday, while in a conference call, I was on mute and didn't have camera on .. so they didn't notice, though I had a colleague nearby noticing.