Medicated depression, day #38
Late to office today, colleagues present.
Slept exceptionally bad, tired and will require silly amounts of coffee to properly brain today. Working on refactoring a shitload of code this morning, colleague and I discussed what would be the simplest way forward -- I'm now surgically cutting out pieces of code that touches a specific functionality that has not been fully tested or put into production, disabling it.
Bad thoughts hit last night, I was really low when I went to bed even though I tried to end the evening on a high note with watching nice and funny videos.
Talked to my parents last night, to get an update on how mom was doing on the radiation treatment, mom is always tired and sleeps as much as she can whenever she can, radiation treatment really takes it toll on her, talked to dad a little later and he mentioned it will only prolong the process a bit and that there isn't much hope it will remove the cancer, just reduce it.
I'm sad that I will loose my mom but happy that she is still around, want to spend time with her. That is why I'm torn, torn between going to Thailand during Christmas .. and spending it with my mom, as it might be her last Christmas.
I'll go to my shrink tomorrow, therapy, to talk and dump thoughts. It feels really good afterwards and it helps, but bad thoughts are also popping up later.
Later: Talked with colleague about angst and sorrow, he's sad and has sorrow since his spouse decided to file for divorce and move out, out of the blue, zero explanation, I can understand him, I had a quite messy separation from my Ex, when she decided to move out, but could not get an apartment and missed two opportunities as offered, so instead of leaving in January as she said and intended, she and her kids moved out in mid April. Colleague is sad and were on the brink of crying when we talked about his separation, it has been a few months but it feels close and he is down-sizing everything, going from full house, 2 adults and 2 kids to 1 adult and 2 kids every other week.