Medicated depression, day #37
I woke up early, started to prepare breakfast and remembered that I had new meds that required to be taken 15 minutes before eating anything .. which delayed breakfast a bit, had arguments with son as he leaned on the window sill, almost breaking it off .. as it is dimensioned for a few flower pots and not for a 40 kilo 10 year-old.
Rode the bus into town with son, where he changed bus and continued on to school but have leave this week, he's attending the "junior" activities at school.
Arrived to the office with a completely discharged phone, would not even start, as the doors are app-activated, I have to pull up my computer and charge phone up to 10% before daring to open the door opening application, sent request and my office space door would open. As we're in a rental space and we all are equipped with laptops, there isn't much of value in regards of computer equipment in our space, just a vpn-box and an access point, it's nothing much to protect .. contrary to a full blown office where there would be hosting equipment and/or networking gear or similar, that would be a problem with app-based opening or access.
From experience; In the early days of the 2000's I had and employer that operated a "computer room", a few racks of servers for internal and external use, telephony and switchboard equipment, doors were electronic through electro-magnetic locks with swipe-badges. One weekend when we were consolidating server boxes from one rack to another to make space for new servers, somebody tripped a fuse and everything went dark, computers kept on running as they were on a separate circuits, but the lights and everything else, AC and door locks went dead. Effectively locked inside a server room with no way of getting out as the inside doors just had blank cover plates where unlock-knobs would be. Fortunately, somebody had a mobile phone and called for help, a colleague had 10 minutes to the offices. They replaced the fuse and let us out.
Haven't had that much dark thoughts during the weekend but that might be due to being busy for most of the weekend, wife had activities lined up and we went shopping for groceries on Saturday but also getting son a few new trousers, jeans actually, for the first time in a long while he wears jeans. Sunday we went on a trip to a nearby city to look at some equipment for wife's business, not a perfect fit so most probably no deal. I feel that I really didn't have enough time to think, ponder and reflect over things .. but I got time to sleep and I'm getting good at it, 8+9 hours but then again, regular weekdays only get about 5 hours .. so I'm in constant sleep deficit.
Later: I'm feeling empty inside, no feelings, but a deep desire to go back to bed, I'm tired. I need more coffee. Meeting in half an hour, going to prep a little for that and cherry-pick some changes from one branch to another as they would need some SDK upgrade as well.
Later: had a project meeting with a little talk with a colleague before starting, had the meeting and called back to the colleague to finish up our discussion, also some talk about my depression, whether I would need days off or not -- responded that I'd probably go completely bonkers if I didn't have stuff to do, that it would probably throw me off into a deeper abyss .. than if I keep working (but at a lower capacity).
Later: A colleague popped in and we had great discussions about employment, loyalty and ideas about passive income .. many ideas. During my refactoring of huge chunks of code where I bridge wide gaps between SDK versions as there is no upgrade paths and requires rewrites, I feel that I shine a bit for having knowledge in several SDKs and can transition between them without problems, this gives me a nudge up the self esteem ladder. I know stuff, useful stuff.