Medicated depression, day #369
I went to work today, fought the urge to sleep as I did not have any stimulation, downed a few cups of coffee and still had to fight the urge, put on loud music in my headphones - that went a bit better as it kept me "busy".
Went home a bit early, I would not get anything done anyway and my boss would understand.
I've been sleeping really bad the last couple of nights, as my compensation has been revoked for the whole period I was away, which leaves a meager compensation of €200 for a whole month, luckily I get vacation compensation from employer so it should cover most expenses. Also, my compensation will have to be repaid, paid back, as nobody had told me it wasn't going to be paid out if/when outside of EU/EES. I'm gonna write them a letter to challenge their decision, as my doctor encouraged me to change scenery, such as go place I usually do not go, do things I usually not do and so on .. and I also found myself to get a little home sick and really wanted to go back to work, so the doctors scheme worked.
But the whole ordeal with being denied pay and requested to pay back, has put some stress on me, didn't sleep well, thoughts about this tumbling around in the back of my mind, uneasy, slight angst.
I got the decision in writing yesterday, it was ended with "If you find this decision in error, please send us your comments and we might reconsider .. " or similar ..
Sure, I have already a draft for such a response, I just need to tweak it and humanize it as it was pulled out of an AI ..
I hadn't have any dark thoughts for a full month, now this shit brings back dark thoughts and stress .. I should have just stayed there.
Later: read through the whole message and they have interpreted my medical journal entries written by my doctors (all 5+) in the worst possible way, with the tone the implies that I'm lying or trying to cheat them out of compensation.
I'm sad, low and on the brink of crying. It felt so good getting back to work and all the other things that lined up, I felt happy and was on my way of getting back to "normal" .. now it feels like piles of poop.
I have to respond, provide "evidence" and motivate why I should have compensation.
I just want to crawl under a blanket and stay there forever.