Medicated depression, day #23
Woke up late today, after wife and son had left. Inserted breakfast and took meds, got on the bus, listened to podcast and music, scrolled some feeds. All while wishing that I still lay between the sheets in bed.
Came to office, colleagues occupied with their dailies, had coffee.
Had daily, I had sent questions regarding infrastructure that were a blocker and the customer responded back to my colleagues that had attended a meeting with the customer on friday, they had now understood any of my questions or did not know the answer to any of them .. so, back to square one.
This affects my mood a bit, that there is no easy wins, just a constant struggle to get even the smallest change through, as the customer is not very IT mature.
During the weekend I've slept better, 6.5 and 7 hours, that is more than the regular 4-5 hours I get during the weeks, I hope to change that to get at least 6 hours per night weekdays too.
There is stress moments and elements in daily life, wife asked yesterday if I could loan her $3000 later for some equipment to her business as she wouldn't like to lease or buy through installations as that would put economical strain on her business. I could arranged for that amount but would need to dig into rainy-day funds and rearrange some things ..
Last year was a pain, economical stress, possibly one of the factors I ended up with depression as we poured lots of money into our car, like $4000 as it broke down in new wonderful ways during the year, shocks and springs, brakes, EGR and misc things .. buffer account drained quickly.
This year we have to get a new fridge+freezer set as the freezer is breaking down, it barely holds -9 as of yesterday, when it should hold -21 for safe food storage. A new set is easily $2500 if aligning with current set, $1800 if settling for a lower quality.
Later: Did not get much done today, internal chaos too strong. Tried to focus on other things needed and made some progress there, diversion tactic. Still have a blocker of customer not able to respond and answer my questions.
Slight headache, probably from tension, I tend to lift my eye brows and from that headache.
Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.