Medicated depression, day #190
Woke up when son came to snuggle, promptly asking me for screen time. Wife was asking if I'd like to join her to a swift visit to the bi-weekly flea market, I hadn't even rolled out of bed yet so I declined.
Had breakfast, scrolled a bit through social media.
Last night I felt slight pain in my gums, poked a little with a finger, sore, when I had brushed my teeth I poked at it again and pushed a little harder, something popped and the pain went away, spit out some pus .. yuck. Poked at it this morning and there were zero pain.
Mentally preparing myself, bracing, for tomorrows doctors appointment. I don't know why, I have not met this doctor physically yet, but spoken to him on the phone, I explained my situation to him and he knew my story and suggested that I have another month of sick leave without discussion. I hope tomorrows meeting will be smooth, that I don't need to argue too much, I'd like to go back to work, but I'm not sure my head will work, I have a day-to-day situation, some days I can sit at the computer for a while, even do some coding .. other days, I barely get 20 minutes before being so exhausted that I need to go rest for a few hours.
I'll try to explain this to the doctor tomorrow, I hope he will listen and take this into consideration when deciding what to do going forward.
The KC had suggested doing other things earlier, before going on sick leave, I had suggested some maintenance, clean-up things, like internal software that were not maintained properly that was used to scrape certain data from providers, it was a foul piece of code where almost everything were hardcoded and very rigid, I suggested refining this to something pattern-based that was easy to maintain, that could be tweaked as the world around it changes.
only one thing is certain, change.
I'm not nervous or anything but just have a knot in my stomach that won't go away, uncertainty, which is ok and normal but I have noticed that I'm a bit more fragile than before, mentally.