Medicated depression, day #173
Never went to bed last night, stayed up to about 07 this morning, had breakfast, fried up a few parathas and brewed coffee, took medications and chilled .. this is when the sleepiness hit me, sat at the kitchen table and zoomed out, fell asleep ... went to bed just before 07.
Son woke me up just after 12, to drag me downtown to a hair dresser, he wanted some cut like a footballer, I don't remember the name. He was happy with the hair cut and we bought ice cream.
Now back home, feeling a bit woozy, brain mush, won't go laying down, if I would I'd fall asleep and wake up late this evening, so I'm keeping myself awake until it's time.
I thought about a friendship with a female friend, I taught her programming and we did a few projects together, competed in a 24 hour hackaton a while back, she went away, got a career, moved from the city and ended up with kids, house, boyfriend/partner/husband and a CEO job. Last time we met was at a convention and we had a one hour talk, haven't heard much from her since, she's busy with job and kids. I miss our conversations about problem solving and her bubbly ideas, she built several projects on her own to solve different problems, she came to me to ask for certain problems, how I would solve them and so on. It made me happy when I saw that it clicked, when she understood the problem and she herself got the conclusion or solution. I miss her.
I often think about how others perceive me, like when I enter a room full of strangers. What do they see? Bearded fat white guy with an attitude or do they see the person? I've developed and grown into an individual who cares for others, I don't care if you are hetero-, homo-, bi-, pan- or dendro-sexual, I don't care what they identify as or what their gender is, I don't care what ethnicity they are .. as long as they are respectful and have a nice attitude. I care if they can level with me and I can level with them, I may be a little "shy" at first, but that is when I observe a crowd, to find out where they are at, to find myself a spot, either keep quiet, or speak out and express opinion or give advice.