Medicated depression, day #149
Woke up early, had set Sonos to play for two hours at 07:30 this morning. To ease the start of the day.
There was some conflict yesterday, son "got stuck" at some friends place last night, arrived home after being shouted at by both mom and dad over phone, he'd said that he'd be home at 15 when leaving at 13, was home by 19:30 .. got stuck with games. So he's grounded now, no tablet, no computer, no playstation, no tv, until Sunday. He says he hates himself and that he wanted to die, when discussing why he was grounded.
That crushed my heart. I know I had very dark thoughts, where I more or less would not care if I lived or died, like "meh". But hearing that from son made me really sad and made me think about losing him, that would ruin my world ..
Brain-mush is still present, if looking back a few weeks it has become a bit better but have still troubles keeping a train of thought. Attempting to code a little derails quickly, abstract thoughts goes boom.
This is something I struggle with, sometimes it's half-assed and other times it crashes and burns just a few minutes into it. Annoying, it's like I lost the ability to form abstract thoughts, but I know I can do the thought work from experience but not right now.
Damn you mushy brain.