Medicated depression, day #148
Up late, haven't gone to bed yet, well past midnight so technically it is tomorrow.
As I haven't done so much job-like activities, I really can't tell if I remember how to do stuff, it's been well over a month now since I worked at all. But I guess it's like riding a bicycle, hard at first when you don't know, then after you have learned you could ride a bike in your sleep. kinda.
My self esteem, I don't know where it is on a scale right now, haven't really challenged myself in that way for a while.
From time to time I still feel a bit mushy in the brain, I have trouble remembering things, find words or names and sometimes hard to keep a train of thoughts on tracks. It varies, when and how it affects me. Sometimes when I talk to my wife or a friend, I need to think hard to find a word or a name, or remember a situation or facts, those around me understand what I'm struggling with .. but others, like when I'm in a store or meeting parents from son's football team, then it becomes weird, as a conversation can halt while I struggle to find words.
Not finding words could be Aphasia, but as my therapist and doctor hasn't pointed in this direction I assume it is just an effect of brain-fog or mushiness. I have easier to find words in English though it isn't my native language, that happens in lots of situations, my colleagues at work usually ask me for translations or synonyms and I can usually respond without thinking too hard. Like a spinal reflex.